"spitzin"

means i say what i want and never read it over again.

i hate the place i live. it doesn't even hurt anymore to leave it.
but i'm still really depressed all the time, and i don't even know why.

i used to write a lot of poems. i used to write them waaaaay more than anything else. i wouldn't write anything unless it rhymed, but then i started realizing how shitty a lot of them were.
so then i started doing some dialogue stuff that i actually liked. i did a couple stories, but now it's mostly this. just absent-minded talking about stuff no one even cares about.
i don't even care about this. but i do it because if i don't, i end up feeling worse than i did when i started. i spit because i have to. because if i don't, i wouldn't really know what to do with myself.
i can't write music. i can't write decent poems anymore, and inspiration is so hard to come by now, i'd practically sell myself for it. i miss writing things that mean something, but winter is coming, so i'll be even more depressed and i'll have lots of things to say. lots of things to hide under metaphors and strings of words so cloudy, i could hang them over my windows and they would block out all the light.

i don't know what i'm doing tonight, but i know that tomorrow is wednesday, and i'm going to try not to come directly home after school, and i'm going to try and wake up early so i'm not rushing in the shower. i savor that. the water is so forgiving.

but anyway, my name is lily spitz and that is what i do. i'm spitzin'. i love it.